Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everyone says I win the strip club
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
