This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
