Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize