I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
