Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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