we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
