it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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