I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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