Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
