dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
