2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
