as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
