idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
