Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
