nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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