i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
