you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
