When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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