Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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