I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
