was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
