the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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