is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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