In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
