a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
