Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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