he wants to bone in the snuggie
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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