It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You smell like stripper and shame
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
