i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
