I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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