I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
