This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
