this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
