I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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