We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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