haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
