this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
