i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
