Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
