So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
