I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
