WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
