He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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