You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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