Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
