Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
