It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
