i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
