she woke up with a sticky ear
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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