I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
