What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
