You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
