Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
