I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
