I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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