you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
