im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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