from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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