u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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