hotel room ftw
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
