i would punch a child for taco bell
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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