We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
