Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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