Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
