I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
