I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
