there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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