We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
