I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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