I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
